By Craig Kaminer / Photos Courtesy of Clarendale Clayton

As our parents age, there doesn’t seem to be an owner’s manual to help with the many tough questions with which we are faced. So when my dad passed away at 86 years old, my mom was faced with living alone for the first time since she left her parents’ home. Needless to say, it was hard for her and equally hard as a child to see a parent struggle to find her footing.

After two years of living on her own with her dog Hannah, I started to think through all the scenarios in the event she needed someone on a moment’s notice. She certainly had great neighbors, but it was abundantly clear that in times of crisis friends are great but family is mandatory.

So my sister and I started conversations about having my mom come to live near us in St. Louis or near my sister in Los Angeles. Many of the conversations resulted in tears, but in the end, my mom knew it would be best to live near one of us, and unfortunately neither my sister nor I had plans of moving back to the New York metro area.

So we convinced my mom to take a trip to Los Angeles to see what it would be like to live there, with near perfect weather all the time, and explore a series of independent living options which offered the flexibility of assisted living should she ever need it. There were some great options – albeit shockingly expensive – and my mom left LA energized by what life could be like there.

Within a month or so, my mom said that while she was scared to leave her NJ community and friends, she knew that this would be the best decision as she aged. While she didn’t voice her concerns to my sister, she told me that she didn’t know if she was ready to do this but would let me know when she was. Surprisingly, she called me a couple of weeks later and told me to list her house for sale, and before long she had sold many of her possessions and set a move date just two days after my son was married in the New York area in September 2021.

Since then, there have been many ups and downs with this decision, so when the opportunity arose for me to do a story about a new senior living community in St. Louis, I jumped at it. I was intrigued by what is similar and different, and based on my discussions with my mom, I felt like I was almost an expert at this.

For months, I drove past Clarendale Clayton at the corner of Hanley and Clayton Roads, impressed by the neighborhood, building and amenities, and carved out the better part of a day to tour the property, meet with residents, sample the food, and ask probing questions only someone with a parent in a similar community would know to ask. I was prepared to see and hear much of what my mom tells me on a regular basis, but I did not. I met people from their 60s to 90s, who remain very much engaged in the community, and who love being part of their new community despite how different it is from the life prior to Clarendale. There must be some who don’t think of it as living in a hotel, but I didn’t meet any.

My first interview was with Keith Kohler who is the head of Life Enrichment, or what most people would call programming and activities. He was formerly with a top event marketing firm in St. Louis, so he is used to talking with clients , brainstorming great ideas, and using his contacts to make things happen. With a parent who lives with him, he knows all too well the issues of being the primary caregiver. Perhaps the key to his success is his philosophy of “I don’t make a promise I cannot keep. Most people who have jobs like mine put things on the schedule that they think the residents will like. I don’t. I listen to our residents, learn what they want to do, and execute against that. Because it's not about us - it's about our residents.”

Organized activities for residents at Clarendale offer opportunities for community building. Ted Talk Tuesdays is a professionally led discussion on a relevant topic such as the upcoming elections. A recent two night trip to Echo Bluffs in the deep woods of the Ozarks was very popular. The trip was sold out and received rave reviews. Many of these programs are free to residents and some have a small fee to cover hotels, transportation, etc.

Kohler reinforced, “We are not a cookie cutter community. I refuse to put things on the calendar that are not stimulating to someone’s intellect or desire for learning. This does not feel like a senior living community. I look at all of these residents as my extended family.”

Formal listening sessions with residents provide feedback and input. And a monthly town hall meeting, called Clarendale Connections, updates all residents on what’s going on.

Meredith Evangelista, the director of sales and marketing, chimed in saying, “Clarendale Clayton is unique in that it is in an urban setting, a highrise building, a sophisticated demographic of residents from retired professionals and professors, to people who have moved here from California for example to be closer to their kids.” Sounds familiar to my mom’s situation.

They also host many Chamber of Commerce events at the building from wine tasting with the Wine Merchant to a partnership with Shakespeare in the Park. “There’s a lot of integration with Clayton and the Clayton Condominium Association too, so people can see what Clarendale is all about, and our residents can make friends outside of our walls. We partner with Oasis which is a lifelong adventure organization committed to enriching the lives of older adults by offering innovative programs to satisfy curiosity and expand interests. The particular presentation on the day I visited was about the Civil War’s Camp Jackson Affair.

Just coming up on its one year anniversary, Clarendale Clayton is 40-45% occupied in independent, assisted and memory care with 10-14 residents moving in each month. It is approximately 60/40 ratio women to men. To help people see if the Clarendale is right for them, they occasionally offer a trial stay option for 30 days with no obligation but the cost of one month’s rent. Three of the four people who have tried it have moved in. There are 195 independent living apartments with 22 different floor plans ranging from very comfortable 1-bedrooms to somewhat extravagant 2,400 square feet 3 bedrooms. There are arch views and Clayton views and everything in-between. While everyone I met still drove and had cars, only 30% of the residents have cars while the others take advantage of the complimentary car service.

Said Kohler, “Our view is that every resident is unique and our team has been carefully selected to listen, inspire, and encourage on a very personal level for each resident. For the resident who doesn’t want to leave their apartment, we respect that, but we also know that life begins at the end of their comfort zone and we try to find things specifically that they will enjoy. Sometimes it’s about nudging and encouragement.”

All of the staff I met at Clarendale seemed to know every resident. “We make it our jobs to know every resident by name and something about them and their background.”

Following a small group meeting giving me the overview of Clarendale Clayton, I went to lunch with four residents: Jane Ward, Karen Fields, Morley Winters, and Kay Patterson. We were seated in a private dining room, handed menus of the day’s offerings, introduced to our server Katie and even welcomed by Jason Austin who is Director of Culinary Experience. The menu was diverse and had everything for the health conscious, weight watcher, or over-indulgent crowd. I ordered salmon on a bed of quinoa and vegetables, and found it to be nothing short of restaurant quality. In fact, if I lived at Clarendale, I would have to watch myself as they have everything you can ever want and they seemed willing to whip up anything not on the menu.

Morley, who was the 3rd or 4th resident to move into the building, signed the lease with his wife, but before moving in she fell ill and passed away. Morley said, “The primary reason we considered moving here was our children and grandchildren. They said look at it now when it's not an emergency. We attended a terrific presentation and were excited by the location, views, and the ambiance of an upscale hotel, which made it memorable and stuck with me. What really sold me was that all the promises were very accurate. When my granddaughter came the first time she thought it was a hotel or apartment complex, not a senior community.”

Kay was living in Santa Monica before moving to St. Louis. After her husband passed away, everything closed down because of COVID. First, she lived with her son and his family in St. Louis. After a month, she realized she was isolated because everything was closed, so she started looking for a senior living community. Each place she visited, she would ask herself if she could see herself living there, but the answer was always no. She always fantasized about living someday in a hotel – something like the Carlyle in New York – and when she walked into Clarendale Clayton, it felt like a hotel. “There was a great vibrancy. I tried many different activities and I realized I am so much better off being here. My family works all the time and don’t always have time for me. I joined a committee to get involved and slowly started to make friends. It’s been a slow process to meet people, but there are so many amazing people here.”

As soon as we sat down to eat, the stories started flowing. I was told all about the other residents from a former CIA agent, ex-ambassadors, doctors, lawyers, teachers, a couple of physics professors, artists, writers – almost like a WashU campus.

Jane didn't want to be around old people because she doesn’t consider herself old. It was important for her to have access to transportation, a highway, and that she still wanted to drive. “I didn't want my home to look or smell like a nursing home, because I am still independent, but I knew after falling a couple of times I had to get out of my 4 story house. I came to visit a sorority sister at the Clarendale and said to myself ‘stop looking, this is it.’ I saw my name up on the marquis welcoming me on the day I visited. After the tour, I opened my purse and wrote a check.” Then she focused on selling her house and furniture, which she calls the “divorce process.”

Each of the people I talked to said this lifestyle is not necessarily for everyone. Karen Fields said, “My ex- husband came to visit me and he said everyone was too friendly and he prefers to be alone in his cabin in Michigan.” I was surprised and intrigued that the residents were so diverse with different backgrounds, life experiences, religions, ethnicities, and interests.

Kay has developed friendships in the first few months who she says are now some of her closest friends. “I feel very close to people here.” The building is very pet friendly. According to Meredith, “We don’t have a size requirement, but we have a temperament requirement. We all get to benefit from the pets even if we don’t have one.”

As I heard numerous times on my tour, “the residents rule.”

The incredibly intelligent, classy, and articulate Jane said, “At first, if I got the feeling a small group didn’t want me to join them for dinner, but I didn’t let that stop me. If you accept yourself, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. From running around in well educated circles, I have found that if the door isn’t open, you sometimes have to pry it open.”

What makes this community even more unique is that residents live in both worlds – the one in the Clarendale, and the one they maintain in the broader community. Whether it is a country club membership, a religious affiliation, or a subscription to Opera Theatre, residents seem to maintain the things they enjoy doing.

Before I toured many of the apartment units, I spoke with Meredith about creating genuine experiences, creating something new for the STL market, with elevated services, focused on culinary, life enrichment and services, high expectations, dog walking, dry cleaning, with a team who is encouraged to make a decision in real time to exceed residents’ expectations. “We hire for EQ and hospitality,” she said. “And we focus on hospitality that our residents can't always find on their own. Because we are new, we are doing things that no one else is doing…because we can.”

The feedback has been incredible with 5-star reviews from the residents, their families, and even the people who just visit.

To date, this is the 9th Clarendale in the country, but it's the 1st highrise in a city setting. Another is opening in Phoenix in January, then Chicago in April. Clarendale is privately owned by Life Care Services (LCS) which has been in business for 50 years and the 2nd largest owner/operator of senior living communities with 150+ in 33 states. They were just awarded the JD Powers award for best in customer service for independent living for the 4th year in a row.

When I asked if Clarendale had anyone they viewed as the competition in the market, Meredith said there are a number of quality operators, but the real difference is the style and services each offer. For example, one may be more formal and elegant, whereas we are more modern with a new look. Meredith went on to say “our biggest competitor is the resident’s home,” meaning until someone is ready to make this move, nothing we can say will change their mind.

If you or someone you know would like to visit Clarendale Clayton, contact clarendaleclaytonlife@clarendaleclayton.com or call 314.390.9399, to set up a visit.

Residents Rule